Fat men don’t look good in trench coats. We just don’t. It’s sad. Truthfully, nobody looks good in a trench coat. Maybe in some of the gangster movies, but somehow, it doesn’t translate to real life.
Somehow, fat men manage to look fatter. These things hug your fat areas and make your less fat areas look fat. Which, while one might think has a slimming effect, actually just turns you into one great grey mass. Now, I’ll grant you, spandex has a much worse effect, but at least it doesn’t turn you into a corpulent mast. Chubsters don’t need any more drag than we have. Really, wind is a problem when you’re talking about that much surface area.
One advantage we do have when buying a ‘trench’, skinny guys always end up overpaying, but at least we get our money’s worth in material. If push comes to shove, we could sew our coats and pants together and stretch it over a covered wagon. Though only half of it would be waterproof. (the other half would be stain resistant.)
The only way one of us cellulite storage units could ever manage to look slightly skinny in one of these belted tarps is if the shoulders were HUGE. I’m not talking 80’s business woman huge, I’m talking GWAR HUGE!! Somebody needs to tell Mr. Mac to get on this, not that those guys need any more trouble getting in doorways. (sorry, mormon joke)
And another thing, what in the name of Gilbert Gottfried, are those things on the shoulders for? Really? What exactly is supposed to happen when the Inspector shouts, “Go Go Gadget shoulder things!” It better be something cool, maybe they pop up and start signaling in semaphore. Cuz that would be just about as useful (and stylish) as the 12 foot long belt that many of these car covers come with. Come on, I’m large, but I’m not a redwood.
While we are on the subject of fasteners, let’s talk about the buttons. Honestly, who needs 20 buttons. I am already compared to swine, but I don’t need to look like a sow.
END!!
The paw….I know who it is!! Awesome! I’m loving this story line guys! You are both hilarious! And Cannon….what the random trench coat funniness! Laughed out loud with the comic and the post! Thanks you two!
Thanks, I really do hate trenchcoats, and sunglasses. Neither look good on me. I look like the loser cop in a 70’s movie. It’s sad. Much like pumpkin pie, but I won’t go into that.
Does the cell phone just look small because he’s a bear, or is he just up with the times and has the latest greatest i-mini?
He’s totally Mr. Cool. To bad he can’t push the buttons, thank heavens for voice dial.